College. A New Chapter

It seems a new chapter in my life has begun. I am away in college. Independent, free and on my own. I am foraging on my own. I have my own room and bathroom and share the kitchen and living room with five other lovely girls. I see my parents every week or so, but other than that I am off and away. I am taking 17 units and on my way to become a teacher in 4 amazing years. It is barely the second week of school and I have piles and piles of reading lining up.
There is reading for my 12 unit class (Libs 101), which apparently I will be reading a book a week for. And a response for each one. In that class I have a seminar about every class period (M, W, F), which means I have to talk in the class or I get an absent. Secondly every Monday I have my EDMS class which is explorations in teaching. This class has a lot of homework too, but soon I will be observing and assisting first or second grade teachers. (This is my dream, so I am pretty excited). Lastly I have my Math 150 (geometry). The first day the teacher was 15 minutes late and told everyone that this class is not supposed to be fun, Luckily no homework so
far, but a quiz every Thursday.

Socially everything has been good. I love hanging out and watching shows with roomies. But I have been pretty busy with homework since I have Monday through Friday classes, unlike everyone else. I miss my writing freedom and my blogging. I miss it. I hope I can do it more soon.
It seems for me that I am focused on getting my credentials, but also partying it up. Because it is freshmen year in college.

clear the air

I came upon something in my youtube subscriptions. It was my ex's father posting something of my ex. A swim meet or something. That just reminded me that my ex's mother was a photographer. I wanted to check her website to see if the pictures of me were still on her main site. I go to the teen section and there i am. Five pictures of myself staring back into that camera. This made me think that i needed to do something. I needed to write an email. Just saying that i hope you all achieve your dreams and just live your life how you want it. I wanted to open up the air. and Free it. I wanted there not to be this bad block between us. I want us to be just neutral. or as neutral as we can be.

Change into the Abyss?

Change is all around us.

It lingers in the air, something new is happening.

It lingers in our minds, hiding, waiting

It lingers in our eyes. We see the new and we see the old. It is all around us

In lingers on the crest of our ears. We hear crackles of new ideas, new places, new inconceivable things

We do not realize how much change happens.

You are just a kid then instantly you are something different something older.

Moving away from home, moving away from all you know into change

Into something that you don't know about. Into the abyss.

Change happens instantly. A flip of a coin.

It is present, then it is gone, a blink of an eye.

Perfection

Perfection

We can not all be perfect

Day to day we all make mistakes

People might get hurt from these mistakes

But it is not our fault

Things just happen

Why cant we just accept that no one is perfect

No one is better than someone else

We all make mistakes

We aren't perfect

We should accept this

They should accept this

If we do not live up to standards

It is not our fault

We can't control your standard

We can barely control ourselves.

We are never Perfect

And never will be

a little high

Shopping
when i buy something new i get a little high
i have something i look pretty in
i have something that people be like "oh she looks good"
clothing is my confident boost.
if someone is like "that dress is hot"
i will wear it again and again
i will wear it out
as long as i have that feeling that i am wanted
that what i wear matters in some way
that i can change for the better what people think of me

Sure this mentality is not good when one is depressed
A year ago, i had this little hobby:
I would buy things on ebay. I would never go past 5 dollars unless it was something important. Or at least if i thought was.
I bought in excess, lots of useless bracelets, necklaces and rings
i even bought a light company once, thinking i was just buying a light
Still i love going into a store and finding that cute little dress that i look amazing in.
Those boots that give my legs a hotter shape
that shirt that makes my cleavage look good
those jeans that make my ass look hotter than usual

Milk Chocolate, Dark Chocolate

Dark Dark Dark, that is how he likes his chocolate.

Me I like mine light and sweet.

He seems to enjoy the darkest chocolate ice cream

While I like the sweetness of French vanilla

Some mornings he has his coffee as dark as night without a moon, while I have Tea, fresh and hot white tea.

Other mornings, I can persuade him into having a little white chocolate in his coffee. He persuades me to drink some and I persuade him to also drink some.

We sip with joy, looking out at the forest spread out on the right out of our house. I enjoy looking to left, where the valley reaches as far as possible. Whereas he loves to watch the forest. See who is brave enough to enter.

His day includes being locked up in his study, working on the next adventure. First the house, then the barn. He is filled with creative designs, ready to come out onto the world

My day excludes the house. My mind wants to run free in the valleys. Seek danger within the forest. Seek comfort in the tree's branches.

Each step of his is known. He doesn't hesitate. He just does. His plan his made, where and when he wants to go. He is strong with is plan

Me on the other hand. I am more hesitant. I don't know what I am going to do. My plan is not laid out in front of me. I want to be spontaneous, but I am scared where it might take me.

 

The differences seem so vast between us. But they just mix us together better.

New lingers here

Life seems a little new and different

A new smell

A new view

What has happened

Someone has removed the veil

Has showed me that there is something out there for me

I can see everything

A new angle

A new time

Everything seems new, yet familiar

I smell a hint of surprise in the surging winds

A hint of possibility lingers within the leaves

There may be time, for me.

For us, to be just us

A new perspective

A change

It encourages us to continue what we love

Do what we love

And be who we love