Lauren Nicole Blomberg

Life as we know is precious.

We may not seem to feel this, but Life is a gift.

Today Bartram High School in Florida created a memorial walk for the students that passed away while attending school. There have been 13 kids that have passed away since 2000-- Lauren being the first.

Lauren Nicole Blomberg

She was my cousin. Only a Junior in high school. I barely knew her, since that part of my family lives in Florida while I live in California. But that never made me underestimate how much life means.

As I am now 17 and a senior. It shocks me. How one person, so beautiful could have disappeared from this world in just a moment. She was so young.

Even I being around 7, didn't really know her that much. Nor did I get the opportunity that often to go to Florida and spend time with my family there. I remember snippets of the past. I remember going to their house and there was a trampoline. But that is all I remember. A trampoline, and bodies, but I don't remember who were there exactly.

There is also one other image that is stuck in my mind. The day of Lauren's funeral, There was this big picture of her. And then there was the coffin. She lay in the coffin, so peaceful, but too still. Too still for her. Her lips were blue.

Recalling this memory, brings tears to my eyes that I couldn't help to find on that day.

Yet I believe Lauren is always around us. And everyone else who has been lost, lives in a way on this world, as ghosts or are just those people in the stars looking down upon us. Watching us and are always with us.

So, I leave this post how it is. Those who have died, will always be remembered, loved, and never forgotten. I will name this post after Lauren. To the one that I never really got to know, and I miss that fact. But she will always be in my heart.

Life is a precious thing, don't give up on it

Confidence is a virtue

My recent facebook status is: I don't associate with assholes

This is not pointed at one person. I think what i write here should not be taken and twisted in different directions. I write what I feel, and I should not be judged by what I write.

As you can see above is my recent facebook status is not associating with assholes. I am a strong individual. I want to delete all negativity from my life. Well not all, but people who are just acting like assholes. I do not care to be around you. Some people need to realize that they just need to grow up and get a life. Good advice there for some: Mature and Get a Life. Not everyone wants to be stuck in a pool of negativity. At least I don't. Move one. Try something else. Do something else.

I feel I can be confident with myself, without people judging me. Or people can judge, and I have turned that switch in my head to no longer care. I want people to know me, and not judge what I decide to wear, or act. I am who I am. You just have to deal with that.

Confidence is a gift, and can make you a strong person. I believe that I am beautiful, strong, independent and confidence is just part of that. Everyone has confidence within them. It just might buried under some dirt and needs some coercing to get out.

Just know: I don't associate with assholes

Say nothing, be nothing

To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

~Elbert Hubbard~

In this age, everyone is criticized for every little thing. I laugh at this quote, because you cannot say nothing. If you do maybe that means you just are nothing. Because you are not taking control and saying something. As humans, we naturally are talking and being human. Everyone will be criticized at one point of life. You just have to deal. It is not as if someone really cares too make your life miserable. But sometimes it is just their point of view. But that doesn't matter at all.

For me criticize whatever you want, I am going to stay me, and nothing will make you stop me. I am not changing for anyone. People just need to deal, with their own inconsistency, because i am staying here. Your criticisms mean nothing to me.

My advice for you. Stay strong to who you are. Don't change for anyone: Your family, a guy, a girl, friends, relationships. What is important is to stay true to yourself. And don't except anything other than that. Be who you are, without Regrets. You shouldn't regret a thing. Those mistakes or regrets make who you are today. And you are a stronger person today then you were a couple years ago.

Free Will: sneak peak

“The greatest power that a person possesses is the power to choose”

J Martin Kohe

Do we have free will? That is the universal, debatable question. Everyone has a different opinion as to if we have this or if we don’t have this. I don’t believe anyone knows the ultimate and absolute definition of free will and if we have it or not. People create their own definition of free will, which is concocted from everything around them. A myriad of factors influence this personal definition: how a person was taught as a child, their religion, what is going on in the world around them, and how it affects who they are. The only thing I can say is that each person holds a different perspective of what free will means to them. And that is the most important part: to share each other’s opinions on this concept and idea.

Personally, I think some sort of free will element exists within each of us. I think free will basically means that you have the choice to do whatever you want. The only thing that you have to remember is that consequences tie into having free will. Making a choice means you accept the responsibilities that come with it. The effect of the choice – good or bad – falls upon you, the individual that made the choice with free will. The choice you make doesn’t have to be one you make entirely on your own. Often other influences come into play: your family, your friends, something you have read or seen, something in your past and just things that happen in your everyday life. Yet these are only influences on the side; you, the person with free will, generally hold the ultimate power, no matter what others say or do.

Paint Your Life

When I was a little girl, I loved to paint and color. I loved to think of my life like this piece of artwork. The best kind of my artwork was abstract. You can make out whatever you want from this piece in front of you. I loved taking brilliant, blood reds and spraying it across the paper. Maybe I would sprinkle some blues on top. I could then make a little boxes on top of this work. They were little houses one day and creative jungle gyms the next. Art just let me take out spirits from me and put it on the paper.

"The world doesn't make sense, so why should I paint pictures that do?"

Pablo Picasso

Now I believe that i have this white piece of paper. It has been many colors, and I am trying to restore it back to the beginning.

This single paper inside of me reveals my essence. You can see how colors sprinkle across it. New colors that you would have never thought would have existed, well there they are. Spirals bounce across the page. This is a collage of what is inside me. This is something you cannot just look at me see. But you have to look inside.

I am a free spirit. No one knows my essence, even I do not know where it will take me.

Just remember you can always take new colors and paint your life.

Football and other Balls

As I watch the game that is front of me (Niners of course)

I think....

all you are basically looking at is the guy's butts. You watch these guys in tight pants play football. You can be weird, like me, and be the decider of the guy with the best butt.

In these tight pants, you can see all their leg muscles, and everything in the front and back.

This is the same with baseball. I am just an observer. Watching these guys toss around a ball. What is up with man's obsession with balls?

Yes we know that you are a man, and have balls. Well maybe some guys do need to grow a pair.

Balls of all sorts of shapes and sizes. Most sports involve some sort of 'ball.'

Just pointing out: balls

Punch Buggy, No Punch Backs

PUNCH BUGGY NO PUNCH BACKS

=)

I HAD TO

*SMILES*

Just want

I sit here. I am suppose to be doing my Stats homework because its due tomorrow. But i feel sick. It is all about graphs of something. I havent learned anything in that class.

But now i am sitting here listening to Club Can't Handle me and then songs from Needtobreathe. That is what i need.

My mind travels and i want to be far away from her. From everything. I want to go back to Maui. I want to go back to vacation. It is only the beginning of the school year. It is barely even one week into school. But it feels like more. I feel like i have been at school for a long time. I want to be in a jungle. Trees covered with greenery. I love trees. I really just want to be there.

I want to be in Oregon, or somewhere very treey. I like it there. It is peaceful and away from cars and pollution. It is the true place. I can breathe and listen to myself. without other noises distracting me.

I just want to get away and be free.

I want this year over with and on to new places and things.

Just want to get away

Will they help?

This is what it looks like in my head. Cloudy day

Those days come up sometimes.

You wake up different times of the night, trying to get comfortable. A stuffy nose, and a sore throat.

Then when you finally get to the time that you usually get up, you feel horrible and crappy.

You remember yesterday that you were feeling crappy again, and a little feverish. Your hand starts to get weird when close to cold water.

Now I am sitting here, blogging and watching Gilmore Girls. I feel hot and I feel that this day should just be over with. I want to get better and not miss school. But I do not want to go to school when feeling crappy because feeling crappy at school is worse than feeling crappy at school.

My throat aches, and I try not to use my voice too much, but when I do one can tell that i have got the sickness. Traded through germs from my cousin when we were sipping on a root beer.

Oh germs, how i loathe you. How you make me feel this way

I hate that I must take pills to make me feel better. 7 pills lay in front of me. Too many there are, but supposedly they will make me feel better. My emotional state is in there hands

Will they decide to save me from this sickness?

God

Does God exist?

I find myself not able to quite focus on the subject of God. As I grew up my mother was a Catholic, so for sometime we went to those Sunday church days, holiday church days, and I ended up going to an afterschool child Church group. In most of these, I would be just bored, drawing on whatever I can.

When I was younger, I thought God was really there and out for me. Looking out for me as another parent who i only give wishes to at nighttime. Here are some little askings I tried saying to "God:"

Dear God,

Hey its Christa again, I was wondering if you are there. I tried to talk to you. But i feel like i am just talking to myself. Will you somehow send me some kind of sign. Like a guy. No one likes me. and I just need a sign

Please

The next night:

God,

Are you even there. Listening to me? Maybe im not important enough. I will do anything. Give me a sign if you are there. Can't i just be one of those girls with a boyfriend.

And the next night:

Well,

I guess maybe there isnt even a God. Nothing is happening. I am still the same person that it seems no one likes.

Goodbye

When i was younger, i thought God was there to help you out in different areas of life like for me a boyfriend. But i tried talking to him every night. And no signs. This made me believe that there wasnt a God.

I know this sounds very selfish. But i am just explaining how i thought when i was younger.

I don't know if I technically believe that there is a God out there. I just don't quite know. And what if God isn't even a male.What if God was female? "

What if God was one of us?" - One of Us by Joan Osborne

Grinding

What happened to that easy slow dancing? Just basically hugging? What happened to the sexy salsa?

Now the dance floor is full of people grinding upon each other. Massive bodies freaking upon each other. Guys against the wall and girls, sometimes on hands and knees, grinding their bodies together. These images and movements involve in a private room, not out in a high school.

The moves are not also to blame. The music has something to do with it also. Music is that is "hot" now is mainly rap songs talking about exploiting women, drugs, alcohol, sex. These songs make these dance movements seem okay.

It would seem like now having schools play this music is them allowing kids to basically have sex on the dance floor.

It seems ridiculous

6:39 PM

It is 6:39 PM. Interesting. it seems like today was so long, but not. but boring. but not. Its life. we will all find life.

red. yellow. sun. golden colors shimmer in the sunlight. light bounces from sea to sand. Shiny. Metal. Tooth. So sharp it could just cut you up. To reveal. everything. That you are trying to hide. Metal becomes part of you. Part of you and me. Red. Black. Intense nothingness aches upon me. Black fills up this space. My eyes try to get used to it. Get used to how it was. Before this. Flat. Bumpy. An open road looks up on the soles of my shoes. Brown on Black. No one sees me. Clear. Empty. The wind sweeps past me. past it. past us all. Standing here. and waiting for something. something. Anything to happen. Silver. Mirrors. They echo my vision. Caves echo my words. Yet no one seems to truly listen. Truly see me. I become translucent. Light is allowed to pass. But never details. I am stuck. Within the wormhole of life.

I just don't understand

Sometimes i feel i really do not understand the world and the people that live here.

I'm not talking about anything too specific.

Let me jump to one point:

College:

Why do i have to get perfect grades and have all the extracurricular to get in some good school. In the end don't you get the same education from one college to the next. I doubt there is really some big difference between College A and College B.

Then there is this essay i have to write. For me, i feel the essay writing is pretty simple. I enjoy some parts of it actually. But i do not like how i basically have to brag in the essay on how im so special more than other people. And i have to brag to get into the college i want to get into. It is just one of those things. I dont like those questions like Why should you come to our school? How should i know this? I might not be as good as Jenny or Ben. But I am just me. I sometimes dont even understand myself. I dont even understand the world at times either. How should i write something that brags about myself and how i should get this, this and this. But all i really want is something very simple.

Isnt that true for everyone. You dont actually need anything except for the basic necessities.

Just wondering

a morning sunrise at the volcano

Who is reading these?

do people care to comment at all?

Just wondering that is all

Random thought process

This guy has a weird last name. Klump its like clump which reminds of cookies. Chocolate chip cookies. I used to make a lot of those. Wait i want chocolate now. No i want fruit actually i want some banana chips. Yum banana chips. Monkeys. brown fur. soft. I want a baby monkey. Koala. Gilmore Girls. I love that show. I want the new ipod touch. It has two cameras. My camera is pink. I used to have a pink phone. Then i got a new phone. I can text. I wonder who i should text now? I want my 18th birthday to come soon. Mexico. College applications. A long essay. College seems scary. Oh i love little kids. My cousin is a freshmen. Thats weird. Time moves so fast. Yet so slow. Oh wait the song changed

Photography

Photography is a way I feel that I can express myself. I can take a picture of a moment in time that I find truly amazing and share it with others. I can try to show the world to other people through what I my eyes. When I was in Maui, I went snorkeling a lot and there is this one snorkeling spot where you have to go through this jungle-like area. When I was there I loved to look at the trees that were covered by green leaves. I can take a picture of this place and show it to others. I can show this greenery which gave me the sense of peacefulness and calmness. Through photography you get the chance to capture moments that make you truly feel. This is why I love photography, it is subjective to a point and it shows the moments in life that will always be saved

Creative Writing

Creative Writing is one of my hobbies and one of my passions. It’s a break from the real world and it taps into my mind. No one is judging me and I can just write what I feel. I feel I can write the best when I am in nature. It’s the purity of just me out there looking at nature by myself. I can truly feel everything around me. I can listen to the movements of living things around me. This kind of writing is a let go for me: I am able to share myself and let others read what is on my mind.

The World I Come From

In my family, I have my mom, my dad, and my brother. My brother has been out of the house for awhile since he is 11 years older than I am. My brother went to UC Santa Cruz and then onto UC Davis. Ever since my brother went to a UC, I decided I wanted to be just like him and go to a UC also. My brother, now, is a lawyer and my mom is also a lawyer. For awhile I thought the lawyer path was going to be my path as well, but as I continued to have friends and grow within myself changes to what I wanted to do occurred.

My brother, being a big influence on me as a child, helped me understand what it is to be independent. I grew independent as my brother moved off to college and away from home. This independence helped me try to figure out what I want to do in life. I still have two years to figure out the basic idea of what I want to do. But for now I am testing what will make me happy, first and money later.

My brother has also encouraged me to break free from conformity and try to be my own person. With that in mind, I continued testing what I wanted to be and ideas flew through my mind. I found out that I really like kids and I want to help kids. One of my ideas is to be an elementary teacher. It would be so great if I can change at least one kids life. In my eyes to change someone’s life other than my own would make a big difference in my heart.

My dream is within my career that I will be able to change or give perspective to someone else. My family helped me become a free independent individual person. My family is a big part of my life, I am a very big family person and they mean a lot to me. I am so glad that they are always able to be there for me. My world with them has shaped and helped me become the person I am today.

Senior Year

For what it seems in the first time in my high school education, I feel important. This year i know will be important and special. People, lower than me, are looking up to me as an example. I can do what i want this year and get it done. I feel extremely happy to be a senior and finally get out of this school. I will graduate this school in 10 months. These ten months seem almost grasp-able. Just as graspable as my 18th birthday in December.
I feel like this year I can succeed and complete the year. And also complete the impending college applications to get into the college i want, slowly starting my career in the world. To be an adult and carry the weight on my own shoulders.
I feel confident in the friends that i have. Brianna is finally in a couple of my classes. My best friend and we have free period together as well. I can say this year i feel confident to walk to the halls and the quad. I am me and I can be independent and work it out on my own.