Thanksgiving Thanks

I haven't blogged recently. It has been a while and lots seem to have changed and then again nothing seemed to change. I am sorry if this blog is cliche. But its that time i suppose.

It was thanksgiving break. I had dinner with my family, but i never truly thought of thanksgiving. Sure, I talked to my cousins about it. And my cousin, Matthew who is in seventh grade was confused for a second about Thanksgiving. He thought it was a Christian thing. Thats what Christians do, is have thanksgiving. His thoughts were shattered when his brother, Russell, reminded him of the pilgrims coming in. And that is why we have thanksgiving. Yet how did that turn into the holiday Thanksgiving I never told anyone what i was thankful for.

Here it is:
Thank you for my family who have supported me and have been with me through everything. Thank you to my parents who have listened through my good moments and my bad moments. They were there for me in harder times. The times where the person i loved (or thought i loved) left me. They were there for me in dark moments. They reminded me of who i really am. How i changed, and how i got back. I am thankful for them specifically in my life. I love them, even though i might not admit it.

I am also thankful for the friendcore i seem to have, whether it is on facebook or in real life. Thank you! you know who you are. They/ You have been their for me. Through ups and downs I felt that i could count on at least one person to be there to rant to or just talk to. Thank you :)

Thanksgiving for me wasn't the most exciting time, because i had thanksgiving a week earlier. We went skiing. I skiied for the first time. I fell twice. and i know that i wont be a pro-skier. But i have other plans for my life.
I did get to spend some good time with my cousins. I got to be a child once again. I love it. I love our laughs and smiles. That is how i want my life to continue with laughter and smiles. Surrounded by ones that love me.

Cruising into the ocean Update: Carnival Splendor

You risk your life everyday going out of your own house. That car could run you over. The airplane could crash on your house. And yes that boat you are entering could lose power in the ocean.
There are many different reports and views on what happened those days on Carnival Splendor. There are news reports that state stories of the "ill-fated" cruise ship. The days that were "hell." People were offered another cruise and many people denied that opportunity. I don't want to doubt anyone and what they went through. But you signed up for the cruise, You took the risk of going into the ocean and something happening.
Anyways. I am supposed to be cruising on November 21 on the Same ship. People ask me why would i go on that cruise after this disaster happened. It wasn't a disaster. It was something that just happened. Things Happen. And yes i want to go on this cruise and get out of california.
My good thoughts are with the crew members and everyone on the ship. and now
Update: November 15
THERE ARE LIGHTS ON THE CARNIVAL SPLENDOR. positive signs. Carnival hasnt sent any other cancellations. It is all good to go so far for the November 21 Carnival Splendor cruise. Always positive. More updates tomorrow
UPDATE: November 16
The Cruises until January 16, have been Cancelled. Meaning the November 21 and all the other Carnival Splendor cruises have been cancelled as the ship is going into repair.

That is a little sad, no Thanksgiving cruise

That's it

It is raining outside... the little pitter patter on the window is my friend.
The music beats are inside me... keeping me company
These purple nails i have .... keep me true to who i really am
I just sit here, typing.
Warmth surrounds my feet, making me feel alive
I cannot Perceive it,
I cannot Perceive you
This is all I can do
sit here
and wait
for something to happen
for someone to come
just for me

They Try

I look around me
People Are Happy
But do they really know what is going on here?
Do you know what really is going on here
There is a girl she is with her boyfriend. She smiles. While he just looks away. Looks to me. The girl is thinking about another guy she likes. Where as her boyfriend just goes along, because what can he do? He doesnt have the balls to break up her over a fling.
There is this child and her mother. They seem perfectly happy. Until you stop and just watch. Just listen to their conversations. The mother is depressed that her husband left her. And this little girl is just too young to understand what is going on. Yet the mother needs to put on a smile. To show others that she is fine.
Alll around us is Lies
Big Lies, Small Lies
they help us smile and try not care
But something bigger is always around

Someone

Is any one there to hear me?
to read my little scribbles on the paper?
should i just leave?
let the rain drops wet my hair
so i can become cold
feel what it means to be alive
To feel nothing,
Or
To be someone
Should i get out there?
So then i can do something useful
other than be here, just for myself
I want to help
Help others,
I want to get out of here
I want to change Someone's life
But I can't become that now
I am stuck in Limbo
Waiting for an exit
To Live, and Breathe
To Help
Someone....


Someone.

Time wraps around us like bubble wrap

This year, Halloween, seemed like not a big deal to me at all. I didn't dress up at school. I didn't even know what i wanted to be. All around me during the day i saw cute little kids in the cutest outfits. They looked so adorable. It reminded me when i was younger, i would dress up and go trick-or-treating with my brother or my dad. Then i would come home and have all this candy and I would separate it out by brand. I miss that. I miss those times.

It seems to me that time is going by way too fast. I am in my senior year of high school. How did this happen? I remember being young all those years ago... wait I am still young. Yet its so weird how we age, and time just wraps around us like bubble wrap. My own dad is 60 years old. To me he seems like he is the same dad that i had when i was younger, but we are all getting older.

This year... Senior Year will be my last year of high school, then i will be moving on to college, where i will get a degree for what i want to become for the rest of my life. There is a lot on me. But this is the last year i am with my friends, we will (most likely) all be going to different school. I have known these people for 4 years, and i guess it is onto a new bunch of people for 4 more years. But everyday i can say this is my last blank of high school. because really i wont experience any of this again. This is all over in a blink of an eye. Each moment is gone so quickly.

I look at my cousins, one is a freshman in high school and the other is in 7th grade. I still see them as my little cousins. But the one who is a freshman asked a girl to homecoming. I think it is incredibly cute. But also it is hard to believe that he is getting to be a actual teenager. It is a small realization that is hard to take. I think that everyone around me will always be the same age, but no we are all aging daily from experiences we take, to moments where we just sit down and take time to ourselves.