Me,

The days are easy, but when they turn to nights, it all changes. I feel like I cannot be alone. To be alone even just in my room is scary. What if the rest of my life is just this. At night everything is bad. I end up not really sleepy. My stomach begins to hurt even more than before.
I am scared. Scared of the future. Of college. Where am I going to go? What shall I become? But this is all just talk. Because I know what I want. I want to get into Sonoma State and become a teacher in just 4 years.
It should be that simple. Yet I have to get in first. I have to take classes since I don’t test well. I have to get through the rest of senior year. I have to figure out who are my friends and who aren’t. Because I know that there are some people I can just cross off my list. And others that I thought were my friends, but just aren’t or can’t be in some way.
I try not to think of the future at the moment, I try to make the best of it. But sometimes I think: How Can I when all that I seem to do is crap. Sure academically I am just fine. But other than that, I just don’t know.
Yet these are just internal feelings. I remain confident on the outside. Trying not to show what I really feel. Trying to change how I feel. Trying to persuade myself that I am special. That I can do it. Do anything I dream of.
I just wish the dreams can come to me easier. Simpler. That I can maybe take a shortcut to my destination. To my dreams. Whether that means fast forwarding. Or just being here, with something more. Is there something more?